Of course, I wouldn’t know… The close I have to this… is a gay guy.
10 months ago, I had been falling in love with Josh. However, due to life screwing me over, he left, even after I begged and pleaded and even went so low as suggesting being friends with benefits (which happened for a short time anyway via text, fucking ass). I was so depressed I thought I would never get over him. Then in late December, I started talking to a Marine named Brandon. At first I was merely interested in his military status. In no way am I tag chaser. After talking to him for a week, I started crushing on him and one day he said “You’re basically my perfect type.” It killed me that I didn’t know what he meant exactly. I actually tried to push him away because I was so convinced that he’d never see me as more than a friend.
Then a few days ago, the 7th of January, I finally asked him what he meant. And he said he’d like to have me as a girlfriend but he was afraid it wouldn’t be fair because he’s so far away. After telling him that as much as I dislike distances, I always told myself that I’d be willing to try if it was with the right person. And if he was willing to try… He jumped in and said, “I’m willing to work on it.”
I’m falling for him more and more very day. And the fact that he’s loved me since day one, has just made me so happy. He’s so amazing. And sweet, and romantic. He loves me for who I am, even when I’ve had an anxiety attack. He loves me, the woman underneath the pain. Last night, he said he wants to live with me and marry me. It might be really soon, but he’s so wonderful. He’s seen the side of me that is not always happy and he still loves me. I sang for him last night and he cried. I wanted to hug and kiss him so badly.
Hopefully I’ll be able to see him on my Spring Break. If he asks me to marry him then, i swear it would make my life. I would be the happiest girl in the world.
So I haven’t been on in awhile… but, just so you know, I’m still alive. xD And having ultimate fangirling moments over the amazing acoUstiKats and over The Hobbit. More to come after Finals Week. Don’t judge me. xD
It’s amazing how much can change in a month. A month ago, I was wanting James back. Then we kind of became distant and someone else stepped in vying for my attention. It was the best decision of my life to let him take me out on a date because from that message on, we’ve been talking every day so by the time we went on the date, he was dying to ask me to be his girlfriend.
How can I say “no” to a guy who makes me smile and blush every day? How can I say no to complete and utter dork who thinks the world of me? I can’t. And I’m so glad I didn’t. April 8th has become the best day of my life as of yet. He calls me beautiful every day, every moment he talks to me and if he keeps it up, I’m going to believe it. 🙂 I’ve never felt so safe and so loved in my entire life. When he gently touches my faces or kiss my lips, there’s a fire that burns inside of me. A fire like none other.
Our friends keep teasing us and say he’s going to marry me. He’s already said he wants me to put my class ring on my left hand though, he’ll get me something more suited when it’s right. For once, things feel so right. Everything is falling into place. I’ve never been happier. He’s truly the first guy I’ve been with that I can really be myself around and say whatever comes to my mind without judgement.
He thinks I’m absolutely perfect: from my voice to my skin. If he could, I know he could just stare into my eyes for eternity. He’s so sweet, so romantic underneath the dorkiness that I’ve come to adore. Every time I’m with him, my heart pounds and there are constant butterflies in my stomach and my face is constantly flushed. He finds it absolutely adorable. 🙂
Every day I fall more and more in love with him. I think he’s perfect and I feel so tranquil despite the butterflies when he holds my hand and tucks my hair behind my ear.
I’ve tried for almost a year to stop loving you…with no success. I can’t stop loving you. I always have you on my mind, wether it be subconsciously or consciously. I can always see your face, here your voice. I can see your smile and your incomparable blue eyes. Every time I see you on cam, I know every single expression that cross your face, just like you know the ones that cross mine.
I miss feeling your skin against mine. I miss the taste of your lips and the cool metal of your tags. After all this time, I’ve realized I can’t live without you in my life. You’re the only one I can see a future with. You’re the only man I see as the father of my future kids, the one I see myself walking down the aisle to.
Don’t you get it?
I know we’ve just started talking properly again last night but, it’s given me hope- realistic hope – that somehow you’ll be a part of my life. Whether it be in a romantic sense or not. Though, i hope it is. I want you. In every sense.
Since I left, I have regretted it. Since I left, I have loved you, even though it’s killed me. Neither of us are perfect and, I hope you realize now that I regret every mistake i’ve made with you. Just give me a chance and I promise to never leave you again. i don’t want to lose you again. The first time was hard enough.
I know you said you won’t jump into a relationship with me until you see me in person again. I hope that day is soon. I hope when it comes, the memories and emotions of what we had will come flooding back and you’ll see what I’ve been holding on to so tightly.
” I was born to tell you I love you.” I think the reason I can’t let go of you and just move on … is because despite everything, you actually might be The One for me. It’s what I feel. It really is. I’ve had dreams about you, about us being together… Please just give me a chance. I promise I won’t leave again.