For years, I have wanted to have and raise a puppy of my very own. I had one once for a while named Coco. She was an Australian Shepard/Collie mix. She was beautiful and perfect. Coco was my best friend and the one that would stay by my side when I was sad and lonely. She gave me an unconditional love that I haven’t had since or after.
Last night, I had a dream in which my mother and I went to the Lexington Humane Society (albeit, a strangely nicer once than it is in reality), filled out some forms and were given a golden retriever to pet and play with for a while until the people there brought out my very own puppy: a completely black little pup, a chubby thing with wavy fur. In my dream, I didn’t know what kind of dog it was, except that he was mine. But, now I know it was most likely a Portuguese Water dog, even though the Humane Society doesn’t take in pure bred pups.
It didn’t matter though. It was my very own puppy and he was absolutely beautiful.
I know in My Grown Up Christmas List entry, I wrote other things that I want, like a boyfriend. And I still do. However, if I get anything this Christmas, I want a puppy. In a box with air holes and a Christmas ribbon tied loosely around its neck. Just like in “The Lady and the Tramp”. And, maybe with a puppy, I can train it to help when my headaches get really bad.
But, honestly, it’ll probably be like any other time I’ve asked for my own puppy: a big fat no. Or, something along the lines of my parents saying, “I don’t want a dog.” Well, I do. Can’t you just give me this gift I’ve been wanting for years? Especially with these headaches? Do you not realize how scary and miserable it is to have a headache so bad you just don’t want to do anything? I’ve missed classes a few times because of them. The least you could do, until you take me to see a fucking doctor, is get me a puppy to raise.
I know it sounds selfish. I know. But, goddammit, can I just be selfish this once? I mean, I’ll never have a status written about me (as petty as that sounds) and how much I’m loved. No one will ever call me randomly in the day to say, “I love you so much” or surprise me with small and meaningful gifts.
Can’t I just have an animal that depends on me for once? That gives me a reason to smile and get up early in the morning and a reason to come home at the end of my day?
Is that too much to ask for on this Christmas, on my 20th Christmas?
I guess it is.
Everything I ask for always is.
I guess I’ll stop asking for things now. Since I’m just way too selfish.